Set me as a seal on your heart

So the lovely Katie over at NFP and Me is sponsoring a link-up for couples to share their *song*, and I couldn’t resist… So here are her questions in italics and my 2 cents below each!

Be forewarned: We haven’t been married even a year yet, so the lovey-dovey-ness is still in its full glory, plus I’m a hopeless romantic English major who finds symbolism sexy, so… yeah… this isn’t for the faint of gag-reflex…

What’s your song? Share a video if there is one…
So, if you’re a young-ish Catholic, and you aren’t crushing/man-crushing on Matt Maher, you’ve either been living under a rock or you’re nuts… If it’s the first option, our song, “Set Me As A Seal” will be a good intro

Set me as a seal on your heart.
Set me as a seal on your soul.
For strong as death is love,
unyielding as the grave.
Nothing will quench its flame,
nothing will quench its flame.

Kiss me, my love,
that your name be on my lips.
You intoxicate my being
with the fragrance of your presence.

How beautiful you are, my darling.
Show me your face, let me hear your voice.
Sweet as the dew in the early morn,
like a lily among the thorns.

I looked for you, the one my heart loves.
I looked for you, but did not find you.
I searched through the night until I rested in your sight.
Now, I will never let you go.

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes.
Your lips so sweet, adorned with honey.
My hands, they drip with myrrh.

Did you always have a song or did you have to find one?
Seeing as how our first dance was to Carrie Underwood’s “I Told You So”… no, we definitely did not have a song, ha ha. While we both listen to a little bit of everything, his “everything” tends to be more classic rock and bluegrass, whereas mine tends to be country, jazz, and Top40. So… to find a song that represented both of us instead of just one of us, it took some research.

Why did you pick this song?

I mean… how can you possibly go wrong with Matt Maher??

While it started out as just a song to use during the liturgy, we ended up using this song both in our wedding Mass and as our first dance song, and actually, as the “theme” of our wedding, if you will. (Wax seals on the invitations and table #’s, 1st reading was the corresponding passage from Song of Songs, “Set me as a seal” an accent in script on multiple things, found a rubber stamp that matched the wax seal and that graced a bunch of things, too).

It just so beautifully tied together pretty much everything we stood for as a couple, and that we believe marriage represents.

And it doesn’t hurt that the hopeless romantic bride veritably swoons when she hears the song… )

What does it mean to you?
Well, Matt basically put this together from the Song of Songs reading that’s in the sacramental marriage lectionary, so the religious significance of it is twofold: speaking to the ideal of man and wife — longing, finding, and dying to self — and to marriage’s role in mirroring the love of Christ for His bride, the Church.

Given how insanely Catholic my husband and I are, and especially how insanely Catholic our wedding was (7 priests, a deacon, and 5 seminarian servers, baby!), it was just the perfect fit on the liturgical level.

But it also spoke directly to our experience, and that’s why we used it as our first dance, too…

“Nothing will quench its flame”: We met and (2 years later) really hit it off at mutual friends’ bonfires. And by “bonfires”, I mean, ”large enough to burn couches on… and we occasionally did.”

“Kiss me, my love, that your name be on my lips.”: Pre-proposal, the most romantic thing Bill ever said to me was “I can’t believe I’m dating Kelly F——”. There’s a philosophy that one thing a woman wants from a man is to be “delighted in”. (Read anything by John &/or Staci Eldredge and lots of Theology of the Body) *swoon* Yup, that’s what I like, thankyouverymuch.

“I looked for you, the one my heart loves. I looked for you, but did not find you. I searched through the night until I rested in your sight. Now, I will never let you go.”: I was 29 and he was 41 when we got married, neither having been even so much as engaged before. Talk about looking for a while and just not finding “the one”… But we both really believe that it just took finding the right person that God wanted for us… just like St. Augustine’s cry: “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You, O Lord.”

“My hands, they drip with myrrh”: Oh, dying to self, it’s so “fun”, isn’t it?! *rolls eyes* But if you can suck it up and do so, aren’t the results of it amazing? One of the most beautiful insights I’ve heard is that at funerals, you should really be celebrating a life, while at weddings, you should really be celebrating death (to self). It’s why we chose Psalm 23 for the Responsorial Psalm, too! “

How was the meaning changed since you first chose it?
Well, we’ve only been married for ~ 9 months, so I don’t know that it had time to “change” since then… but it was a little funny how we actually got 2 different wedding gifts that had the lyrics printed on them… maybe because the actual reading from Song of Songs inspires the occasional awkward giggle as it talks about breasts like fauns and gazelles leaping?

Won’t you share a picture of you two dancing? (Doesn’t have to be a wedding picture!)
My husband is not the crazy dancer that I am, but he’ll dance any slow dance with me, which is all I need :-)

 

7 Quick Takes Friday or …And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street

This week’s (let’s be honest: month’s) subtitles are (quite randomly) in honor of And to Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street. Enjoy

— 1 —

… And to think that I saw it on Royalton Road!

I’m Irish.
Well, half, anyway. Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers were full-blooded, fiery Irishwomen; but I also went to University of Notre Dame, so that intensified the Irishicity.
I mean, my name is Kelly, and my engagement ring was a Claddagh, for Pete’s sake. Let’s just say that even without the red hair and incredibly fair skin, it’s pretty apparent that I’m Irish within a few moments of meeting me.

So obviously, the *high holy day* coming up in a week is kind of a big deal. And by “kind of a big deal”, I mean “one of the biggest of deals”.

So I was in line at the grocery store last week, stocking up on some basics. Nothing particularly Irish in my cart. I’m actually cooking a giant feast next Saturday, so I didn’t bother getting anything, yet.

“Hi, would you like a free loaf of Irish soda bread with your order today?” This employee came seemingly out of nowhere (because I’m a waiting-line-daydreamer), and offered — only to me — an amazing-looking loaf, with a bright orange “paid” sticker over the bar code.

“Uh, sure! Is there something wrong with it?”
“Nope! We’ve just been giving them away every so often.” (A claim confirmed by my cashier once it was my turn.)

I thanked her, and she returned to her post helping the self-checkout lines as I continued to inspect the thing for… I don’t know, bugs? mold? a giant bite taken out of it? a long-past expiration date?

But it was a perfectly good loaf, given to me out of a few pretty long lines’ worth of people.

What?!

So… St. Patrick is apparently in the business of literally sending manna from heaven, now.

And it’s DELICOUS.

— 2 —

…And to think that I saw it in a crowded parking lot!

I’m unloading groceries into my car, and happen to finish at about the same time as the woman parked next to me.

“I can take your cart for you,” she says, as I put my last items in the car.
My shocked-at-human-kindness self sputters out,”Oh! Great! Thanks!”

Welcome to Strongsville, Ohio: Land of kind strangers, and strange kindnesses.

— 3 —

…And to think that I saw it on TV!

The more videos I see by Fr. Robert Barron, the more in love with the Church and her teaching I fall. He has a way of explaining things in such a non-threatening, truth-reverberating, logical manner, that everything from a documentary-style catechetical lesson through a Catholic commentary on current pop culture just come alive.

— 4 —

…And to think that I saw it on the interwebs!

I am so proud of the witness of Women Speak for Themselves.

For those who would ask “Where are the women?” on the Catholic side of the HHS debate and those who would say that any woman who would join said side is defining herself by her husband or being oppressed by men in any way, or those who are just generally insulting the intelligence of the women who stand their moral ground… THIS is a great answer: A long list of “signatures” from women from all walks of life, from all over the US, especially highlighting professors, doctors, PhD-holders, lawyers, directors of all sorts of organizations, and other professional women, who clearly represent the intelligent Catholic professional woman not just out to “serve her husband’s desires”… (though, by the way, what in blazes is wrong with that, if that’s my choice (woo, buzzword!) to do so in a way that still upholds my own dignity?) There are stay at home mothers and the careers typically filled primarily by women also on the list in great numbers, and it’s harder for a name and a title to witness to the freedom they have to choose those lifestyles, but they are present, nonetheless.

I guess the greatest thing I don’t understand about the whole debate is why women feel so entitled to BC. I understand that there are many women who have medical non-contraceptive needs for it… but why should it be any more free or subsidized than chemo, stress tests, etc, which are preventative medicine for the things that kill women (and men)? If you are free to use contraceptives, you are also free to choose a university where they are available (or a doctor off-campus or back home who can prescribe them), a job at an organization that does not find the decision to be against its morals, or the money to seek out your own supplemental insurance or pay for the generic brand (just like any other health treatment that is difficult to afford).

The Catholic Church is not denying access, it just does not want to provide said access – especially at its own cost, even indirectly through its premiums. So that’s why there are a lot of men testifying before Congress: Not because they “know better” or are less emotionally tied to the subject: Because they make up the hierarchy of an organization that is being asked to subsidize — even indirectly — something that is against its morals.

I believe that it is a positive thing for a man to stand up for the freedom of a woman,
whether it’s her right to vote (anyone forget that the suffragists were demonstrably pro-life?),
her right to be paid equally for the same job (not counting room & board, I make more as an employee of the
     Catholic Church than the average associate pastor),
or her right to religious freedom.

*stepping back down off the soapbox*

— 5 —

…And to think that I saw it coming off the truck!

Bedroom furniture has finally arrived!!
We’re not quite in it, yet, since we have yet to get a mattress/boxspring, but it’s SO pretty. A sort of honey-brown color, very simple lines, “Shaker-style”, Amish-made and purchased via The Furniture Nook, a local family business.

Basically, we got to design our own furniture, made to order out of actual wood… for less than anything comparable at several different furniture stores — and believe me, we visited many.

— 6 —

…And to think that I saw it on my Nook app!

I am so excited to be reading Style, Sex, and Substance: 10 Catholic Women Consider the Things that Really Matter. Even just the first essay by Jennifer Fulwiler gave me goosebumps as she wrote about trying to find a personal image of the “modern Mary.”

— 7 —

…And to think that I saw it at all!

I sympathize with anyone who works as a trauma counselor for people who have been physically or sexually abused. We ran a session this week for middle schoolers, and even though it was just informational, it was so difficult to think about the reason I must give this presentation: there are adults who intimately harm children. There are stronger people who intimately harm weaker people. The kids said they were glad to have had the session because they wanted the information — and this response gives me hope.

So those of you who have or work with children: Please don’t be afraid to educate and empower those young people. You don’t know the innocence you will save.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

 

The splendor of a King

Pronounced man and wife in Christ

I’m writing at the behest of my dear friend Kristan Doerfler of the Houston Chronicle blog “The Emmaus Road”… Funny how #cathsorority keeps on my back about the blogging thing ;-)

In honor of National Marriage Week, she is asking for a little commentary on what Christ and my Church family mean to me, my spouse and my marriage.

In a nutshell: They mean everything.

Bill and I met through our extended Church family. Bill’s best friend Mike (who’d been instrumental in taking jumper cables to Bill’s Catholic faith) was dating a girl named Erica who I’d become close with in our years going to Catholic Young Adult retreats our churches ran together. There’s even a suspicious picture from Mike & Erica’s wedding in which we were both attendants — 2 years before we started dating — that they continue to reference as the first sign of Bill’s and my “destiny” together. Hey, thanks, Church family.

Bill and I went on our first date because of the Blessed Sacrament. Bill had “accidentally” gotten my phone number at a Mike & Erica cookout, and was getting up the nerve to call me. In the meantime, I had just had a completely frustrating, throw-things-through-plate-glass-windows kind of morning/afternoon, and decided that the only thing that was going to chill me out was sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament in the Tabernacle at the church where I work. As I was sitting there, just letting my anger flow away from me, listening to God’s peace, Bill came to mind out of nowhere, so I started praying for him. Minutes after I exited the reservation chapel, Bill called me and asked me on a date, telling me later that he had called at that moment because of an intensely powerful push that incapacitated him to do anything BUT call me right that moment. Hey, thanks, Jesus.

I completely lost it at the first couple words of our wedding Mass processional, hidden on the stairs to the choir loft, my poor dad helplessly saying, “Aww, don’t cry, honey!” It was not because of wedding stress, and not (just) because it was the happiest day of my life (so far), but because those first words were “The splendor of a King…” and all I could think about was how much absolute SPLENDOR the God of the Universe had brought to my life, especially that day, surrounded by family and friends in the church in which I grew up, taking the first steps toward my amazing-beyond-words new husband. “Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee: How great Thou art.” Ahem, *choking up again* pardon me.

How Great is Our God (Chris Tomlin)/How Great Thou Art (traditional hymn) medley… very close to what we had… though our people had sleeves.

We practice NFP, a beautiful, life-giving, dignity-of-the-woman-upholding way to make responsible choices with our fertility, graciously promoted by and taught to us by the Catholic Church. Wait, you mean, instead of having to ingest hormones that not only have been proven to be highly carcinogenic, but which may otherwise create a dangerous hormonal imbalance and/or give me a stroke… I can just trust my husband to have in his heart the best interests of us both as well as those of our future family, and vice versa? We can treat pregnancy as a gift to be received instead of a disease to be avoided? Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus (and he punched heretics in the face, by the way).

St. Thomas Aquinas defines “love” as “willing the good of the other.” I feel like the ~ 50% overall divorce rate compared to the <1% divorce rate among couples who practice NFP is definitive evidence of how practicing NFP does ”will the good” of each other, and of our marriage. And, though God may change the plan at any time, we will definitely not be the parents of a football team of children, but it would be great to watch our children play each other around a euchre table

As frustrating as it is to be trying to conceive, I know that we have the best chance we possibly could because I’ve never taken the Pill, and we know when I am and am not fertile. We’ve been educated by our caring Church family, instead of misled by people selling our love short.

One of the most beautiful things we do as a couple is attend Daily Mass. Sure, it means getting up before dawn in order to get to the Mass early enough for him to get to work at a decent hour. Worth. It.

If you’ve ever been to a daily Mass, I’m sure you’ll spot this couple: The married-twice-as-long-as-you’ve-been-alive, adorable elderly couple, the gentleman still letting his bride out of the pew ahead of him to go to Communion, the slow walk to the car taking almost as long as the Mass itself. Forget all the trappings of the Valentine’s hullaballoo going on right now, THIS is romance.

Now, we don’t make it every single weekday morning, and I won’t be so naive as to believe that once we start having children that this practice will suffer. But we always must do what we can with what we have in this life, and Bill and I choose to begin our day with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass: The best way we know how to break-fast.

In fact, we often sit in front of Matt and Anne, who’ve been married over 60 years, and, when it’s time to add intentions aloud (since we’re such a small group), who pray every single day for “the sad, the lonely, and the oppressed, for victims of domestic violence, and MS” and for their family members. <3 my Church family!

Christ isn’t a human being on this earth right now, but He certainly acts like it. I couldn’t begin to list the thousands of Christians/Catholics who’ve acted in His place in just my own life, from family to strangers, the newly baptized infants to my “baby Catholic” friends about my age, seminarians, religious sisters, priests…

I see middle schoolers every week who’ve been convicted of Christ’s love for them and who act like it.
I see pregnant mothers who would otherwise be homeless being taken in by loving arms of my fellow Christians.
I see Rwandan orphans given a chance to have an American private Catholic school education out of the goodness of a Church community’s hearts.
I see seminarians who LOVE ministering to young people in their own parish so much that it breaks their hearts to give up this good, but they do it anyway for the greater good of starting a youth group at a parish that hasn’t had one.
And these are all just true stories from MY personal experience, within the past month. Add to these my husband’s experiences, and you see why even in this fallen world, he and I have hope in Christ and His Holy Spirit working in His people.

Our marriage isn’t a perfect one — we aren’t perfect people (by a long shot). There are times, even in less than a year of marriage, when we’d like to smack each other silly. But our hope is not in each other. It’s in Christ. So even on “those” days, we know that God is Love, and Love will hold us together… make us a shelter to weather the storm…

Without Christ, we’d truly have nothing. With Him, and through Him, and in Him, we truly have all things necessary.

Happy National Marriage Week, everyone.

May you have all good things. Including *splendor*.

 

But take courage, I have conquered the world.

It’s like Jesus knew we would have this awful HHS mandate forcing Catholic employers and religiously affiliated organizations who don’t require you to be Catholic in order to hire/serve you… to subsidize contraception and abortions.

It’s like Jesus knew that the orphaned, the hungry, the poor, and the mentally ill would face such an incredible amount of suffering, even 2,000 years after He told us to take care of them.

It’s like Jesus gave us desires in our hearts that we wouldn’t know how to properly fulfill… or for which we would have to wait… and wait and wait… and wait.

It’s like Jesus knew that in this post-Fall, post-Babel world, people would continue to disagree on objective truth, and the truth would be obscured in spin and hidden agendas.

It’s like Jesus knew that when we are HALTD, we make awful choices and suffer greatly from the results. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Drunk: your mnemonic device for when NOT to make a decision… stolen from an awesome seminarian.)

It’s like Jesus knew that even when we are trying to live the lives that He wants for us, we fail to be the best versions of ourselves, our impatience makes us settle for sin, and we are maligned — even by those for whom we care deeply.

It’s like Jesus knew we would have to watch young people make mistake after mistake, seeking truth, but being lied to over and over again by people who should be caring deeply for them.

It’s like Jesus knew that the consequences of the Fall would tear our society apart and make women, minorities, and young people feel worthless… and our pride would take us to greater and greater heights of inanity and gross behavior, especially towards our fellow human beings.

It’s like Jesus knew suffering…

Oh.

Wait…

To all those out there who, like me, find it difficult to watch or read the news most times…

Who constantly struggle with whether or not to un-follow and un-friend people you know and love who have stumbled off the straight and narrow either by being deceived or just plain not sharing your beliefs – but don’t do so because not only are you a sinner yourself, but you still hold some bit of hope that your prayers and love for them will have an effect…

Who sincerely cry about the evil in the world on a regular basis…

“In the world, you will have trouble, but take courage, I HAVE CONQUERED THE WORLD.”
~ John 16:33

 

7 Quick Takes… or How #cathsorority Inspired Me to Blog Again

Oh, hello, abandoned blog. You’re still here!

I tell you, joining the #cathsorority conversation on the Twitter has done some good: Bringing this writer back to writing!
(FYI: What is #cathsorority? It’s a bunch of fabulous young Catholic women on Twitter and the blogosphere, try them, you’ll like them!)

So, as my first entry back in the Blogosphere, I’m joining Jennifer Fulwiler‘s happy crew and doing a “7 Quick Takes Friday” post… Here we go, yeah! *cue Notre Dame Band trotting out of the tunnel*

— 1 —

Broken promises are the worst. And I’m guilty of that to the max when it comes to the internet. I always start out with this grand master plan of blogging EVERY DAY and writing #gratefultweets EVERY DAY…  

Well, you can see how far I’ve gotten in the blog area, and I think I made it to 3 days of being grateful for something (THE WORST!). My excuse is that I end up spending way too much time with people in real life, so the internet takes a back seat. And that certainly plays a part. But ultimately, it’s because routines in general are not my forte. I know that they are healthy and good when established and followed with holiness/health/wellness/children in mind, but something in me always wants to rage against the routine. (See what I did there… Oh 90s alt rock, you’re the best.)

— 2 —

I ate a really healthy lunch and now I’m sitting here with a sated appetite, but cravings for chocolate and other evil sugary goodies. Surely, a few pretzels and Nutella won’t hurt anything, right?! *sigh* Curses. Foiled again.

— 3 —

I’ve clearly been out of the writing habit for too long. How do you come up with a thought that’s substantially more than 140 characters?

— 4 —

I’m pretty sure this makes me an old lady, but I’m head over heels for the house shoes I got for Christmas. (Head over heels! I crack myself UP! Or I’ve been hanging with young people for too long…) They’re called Skechers GOWalks. I’m normally an incredibly hot-footed person, so slippers just don’t cut it. And flip-flops/sandals that have the breathability get uncomfortable and/or hurt my back after a while, especially while standing on my tiled kitchen floor for hours cooking. But these things are not only as light and bendy as a flip-flop, but they breathe super well, and don’t cook my feet, as they make me feel like I’m walking on air bubbles. Plus, I can play Just Dance 3 on the Wii without twisting an ankle. Sweet.

Walkin on sunshine, truly.

— 5 —

Praying to conceive has me all over the place, spiritually and emotionally. Trying not to worry that anything is actually medically wrong; dealing with rumors that I’m pregnant on a daily/weekly basis thanks to people in our parish not knowing that my friend Megan and I are, in fact, two different people, despite all similarities; feeling guilty for being this concerned, when there are those who deal with infertility and a million other reasons they can’t have children; borderline-angrily pro-life in a way I’ve never been (always pro-life, never this angry, that is); trying to sift through the encyclopedias of advice on fertility (I’m sorry, but if my caffeine-downing, not-that-healthy-eating mother can get pregnant with me, I’m pretty sure I don’t need to get as extreme as some of these “experts” suggest.). Thank God I’ve been able to start really giving the whole situation up to God. Somehow, my brain didn’t apply all the “in God’s time, not yours” and ”God is the author of life” lessons from being a single girl to trying to get pregnant. What really made me turn a recent corner was discovering Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 1:11, which I modified slightly and have started praying… (changed only because she was REALLY set on having a boy… and God gave her Samuel (and other children after him)… not too shabby!)

O LORD of hosts, if you look with pity on the misery of Your handmaid,
if You remember me and do not forget me,
if You give Your handmaid a child,
I will give him or her to the LORD for as long as he or she lives.

I know this is a “be careful what you wish for” situation, but uh, having my first-born be a priest, brother, nun, or otherwise having a strong vocation would be an AMAZING grace.

— 6 —

Bill is on silent retreat this weekend with Regnum Christi. Such good and holy men. It’s an Ignatian retreat, so there will be a priest leading the thing, but the guys don’t talk to each other except for necessity’s sake. So shoot up a prayer for the 31 guys going through that tonight through Sunday. One more way that Bill and I are ever-so-clearly on the same page headed in the same direction: I’m going on a Poustinia retreat with St. Mary women in the beginning of March.

— 7 —

I really need to start submitting Edge Nights to national Life Teen. The ones we’ve had this semester in particular have been absolutely fantastic with activities, mini-witnesses, and catechetical focuses (foci?) that we’ve been coming up with above and beyond what is proscribed in the Edge curriculuum. Possibly new news to anyone who doesn’t work with them, old news for those who do: Middle schoolers love the 3 Little Pigs, making things out of pipe cleaners, volunteering to be part of your demo/skit before they know what you’re going to make them do, making up Christian songs parodying pop/rap music, and candy.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

 

Lent: Reloaded

Here we are in Lent again. Time to get out the broom and sweep those metaphorical cobwebs out of the corners of the rooms in our Interior Castles!

I’m back in full blogging mode this Lent, so get ready, Interwebs, I’m about to clog up your series of tubes with some holy (rocking and) rolling!

HA! Wow, I really am a crack-up sometimes, no? *cue crickets*

Anyway, dear readers, I’m excited to embark on this Lenten journey with you. Especially now that I’m armed with a fancy WordPress app for my Droid

Lenten Practices 2010
Subtractions:
+No TV (unless it would remove me from friends to avoid it).
+No alcohol.
+Simplify.
Additions:
+100% faithfulness to Secular Carmelite prayer devotions except Daily Mass, from which work precludes me, which is allowable according to our constitutions.
+Blog here daily.
+Catch up on spiritual reading.

Attempting to start some maintainable good habits and sacrifice a little more than in the past.

Thanks for coming along fir the ride!

 

The End is Near…

The end of Lent approaches!

How are you doing?

Personally, I confess to you, my brothers and sisters: I’ve really stunk at following the letter of the law for my Lenten practice.

I meant well, intending to infuse every day with a monastic amount of prayer… but I bit off more than I could chew as far as how much time I can honestly dedicate to prayer in a given day. I’ve made to to Mass almost every day, done the Rosary every day, did at least one, if not two, offices of the Liturgy of the Hours every day, and spent my half hour in mental prayer (i.e. what I have to do as a Secular Carmelite)… but I’ve just really failed at doing the Office of the Readings, a Daytime Prayer, and Night Prayer, as I’d intended.

But I think this Lent has been very meaningful for me as far as the spirit of the law: Preparing my heart for Easter, sacrificing that which is practically meaningless to spend time in prayer/with God. I’ve done a lot more thinking about God, reading spiritual works, doing praise & worship, discussing faith, reaching out to those in need, and being compassionate.

I know that I beat myself up too much for failure, especially when it comes to disappointing people.

But something I’ve come to realize is that God is much easier to UN-disappoint than we give Him credit for being.

We tend to think that He’s like our parents, for example. Loving though they may be, it usually takes some work to come back into favor if you’ve disappointed them.

Then, if you’re like me, you end up paralyzed to do ANYTHING to ameliorate the situation because the gap between what you did and what you should have done is so huge, it’s overwhelming.

What we need to realize, however, is that this paralysis is part of the effects of sin: It’s not of God! God ALWAYS wants us to do whatever we possibly can do to move towards Him, even if it’s in small increments. That may seem like just a common sense statement, but how many times do our sins, whether of omission or commission, blind us to the INFINITE mercy of God??

And thank God for that.

Seriously, do it now: Thank God for His infinite mercy and His over-abundant and amazing Grace. Then let Him forgive you so you can start moving up the mountain once more.

Then start climbing.

 

Redeeming Mardi Gras

Oh, Mardi Gras. Literally “Fat Tuesday.”

It gets such a bad rap sometimes.

People are afraid of the extreme licentiousness and just disgusting revelry that happens in some areas of the world, and I don’t blame them. We really should pray that these people realize that this is not where they will find fulfillment!

But besides praying for those who are celebrating Mardi Gras the wrong way… we can also have more redeemed observances!

Joy and celebration are very Catholic things, and I think that we have to be careful that we don’t completely disdain people enjoying themselves — just the WAY they do so! — lest we come across as a very depressing, anti-fun bunch, when that’s not true: “A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)
 
Just as we’ve redeemed pagan Saturnalia and the pagan spring celebrations with celebrations of Christ’s birth and Resurrection, we can even redeem Mardi Gras! Christ makes all things new — all things pre-Christ and all things after Him.
 
Getting together with friends, perhaps drinking responsibly, laughing, playing (non-licentious) games… these are good fellowship, set a good example, and give people an alternative to the madness: showing people a positive celebration.
 
Enjoying the last day for 40 days that you’ll be able to do something you’ll be sacrificing isn’t bad, I don’t think. I think that all too often, we tend towards using Lent as a self-improvement program (i.e. an excuse to start a diet, quit smoking), which is good in that you’re treating the “temple of the Holy Spirit” better… but I think that the true meaning of “giving something up” is that you are sacrificing something GOOD in your life so that you a) become more thankful for God blessing you with whatever it is, b) spend the time/money on the poor or in prayer instead of on ourselves and c) offer it up to God, who is all we truly need in this life.
 
So spending Mardi Gras enjoying a special feast, enjoying that last piece of chocolate, enjoying that last drop of alcohol for 40 days: As long as you’re not being excessive, I think it’s a great way to celebrate God’s gifts and live in a joyful moment before you head into the desert.

I actually really enjoy Mardi Gras celebrations — mostly because I’m with my friends and doing it *right*: When we say “Laisser les bons temps rouler!” (Let the good times roll!), we mean, “Let’s have fun!” not “Let’s sin with reckless abandon!”
 
So now that you’ve lived in the joyful moment, welcome to the desert, friends. I wish you a grace-filled 40 days.

I personally got very excited to be switching to my Red volume of the 4-volume breviary! (It’s the little things in life )

 

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

“I will spend my heaven doing good on earth. I will let fall a shower of roses.”
~ St. Thérèse of Lisieux
Traditionally, when you pray for St. Thérèse’s intercession, she sends you roses to let you know that she is praying for you.

Prayer is so amazing.

While sometimes it feels like sending up words that are useless, weak, empty…
And sometimes it feels like you’re sitting alone instead of sitting with God…
And sometimes you’re so distracted by what St. Teresa of Avila calls the “memory and imagination” that you don’t end up really praying at all…

But sometimes you cry out… and receive a consolation in return.

St. Thérèse is so lovely. It rubs me the wrong way to hear people talk about her as “powerful”, because I don’t think she would be very happy about being described as such. But she’s definitely very sweet and kind and holy.

We had our Secular Carmelite community meeting on Sunday afternoon and spoke much about St. Thérèse and her intercession. I prayed for her intercession on Sunday night. And Monday morning, when I was watching TV (waiting for my brain to begin functioning), there they were: Roses. On the table during a clip from Matt Lauer’s interview with Barack Obama.

The most unlikely of places for ME to see them, since I’m normally watching DVR’d shows and definitely almost never catch even a glimpse of the Today Show. It shocked me a little, but I had a feeling of knowing they were from St. Thérèse.

Confident that she was praying for my intentions, I prayed again this morning, asking her to continue her prayers.

And this is a picture my friend’s boyfriend posted on Twitter… I just had to laugh.

Now, my friend’s name is Rosemary, so it’s a reference to her name (awww), but it just absolutely cracks me up that these were my *roses* today… And it also brings tears to my eyes because of the mystical element of prayer.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”
~ Matthew 5:8
I don’t think this means that we have to wait until the end of our lives to see God, but rather, that the more pure your heart is, the more you will see God in the world around you… Just like St. Thérèse always did. So I’m not claiming that I’m completely “pure in heart” or that these roses are miracles meant for the world to hear about and see. But I do believe that we are better able to see minor miracles when we not only open our eyes, but also open our hearts.

So thank you, my sweet sister Thérèse, for your prayers and for these consolations and encouragements.

And I hope that you, dear readers, will see God in the minor miracles in your lives.

 

Stand By Me

Ever look so hard for something that you miss the fact that it’s right in front of you?

All the time at Barnes & Noble, people would ask for a book that they’d just spent the past 20 minutes looking for… and I’d pick it up for them — right from the section in which they’d been looking. Now, these were not dumb people, they were just missing the obvious. I used to joke, “Yeah, we hide the books in plain sight: It makes them harder to find!”

But isn’t this so true about God?

I’ve realized the past couple days that I’ve been trying so hard to find God, trying to seek Him and His consolations in my time of self-doubt… but I didn’t see Him because He was standing right beside me the whole time.

I realized this only after being at an XLT tonight (praise & worship music, a speaker, and Adoration). Fr. John Blazek (one of my heroes) was walking around with the monstrance, holding it out in front of different groups of people for them to adore the Eucharist up close and personal, then blessing them with it. When he came to my group of people, he basically stood right next to me, so that I couldn’t really see the Eucharist… but I could feel His presence so so strongly.

And then I had an “A-ha!” moment: I’d been growing so close to God — doing His work, praising Him, trying to be a holy Carmelite, etc. — that I suddenly lost sight of God. Not because I was straying from Him, but because I was holding on to Him so tightly that my eyes went out of focus. I kept expecting God to be “out there”, somewhere at arm’s length, so when He stood right next to me, and worked in me, all I could see was a blur.

Teresa of Avila has her interior castle with God in the very center of our beings. We have to travel through many rooms in order to reach that inner sanctum in which the Holy One resides.

I had been admiring the castle from afar: Ooohing over its lavish gardens, aaahing over its well-formed turrets and flying buttresses, gasping at its sweeping lines.

But now I’m at the drawbridge, and I can’t see the whole castle.

But I know it’s right in front of me.

And I can’t wait to enter and explore all the treasures that lie inside.